Stupid Quotes!

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -  Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor "I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting." - Ronald Reagan "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"  - Official Court Records "Sometimes in order to make progress and move ahead, you have to stand up and do the wrong thing."  - Congressman Gary Ackerman (D-New York), explaining why he supported the new welfare bill "I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on its head." - Yogi Berra "I'm going through eye exercise therapy, strengthening my eyes. I'm supposed to like, rest them." - Martha Stewart, denying that she was dozing off during an Al Gore speech Joey Bishop (talk-show host): Would you like to become a regular on the show? Barry Goldwater: No, thank you. I'd much rather watch you in bed with my wife. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? A: I'll be three months on November 8. Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time? -  Official Court Records "Democracy used to be a good thing, but now it has gotten into the wrong hands." -  Senator Jesse Helms (R-North Carolina) "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..." - Dan Quayle "You can observe a lot by watching."  - Yogi Berra "What does an actor know about politics?" -  President Ronald Reagan, complaining about Screen Actors' Guild president Ed Asner speaking out on U.S. foreign policy "So that's 24 points for Schumacher and 23 points for Hill-so there's only one point between them if my mental arithmetic is correct." -  BBC sports commentator Murray Walker "The patient refused an autopsy."  -  from a medical report appearing in the Journal of Court Reporting "Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been exposing himself to the people of the United States." - Frank Licht, then governor of Rhode Island, campaigning for McGovern in 1972 "Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!" - Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer "I think we're capable of going exactly as far as we go." -  Boston Celtics coach Chris Ford -- Eighteen-year-old male can't get any rest at home and wants a           ride to the hospital. -- Lady has blisters from working three days at a Taco Bell. -- Man is out of breath from running from the police. -- Person answered no to the question "Are you conscious?" Calls recorded by California 911 operators, as reported in the Los Angeles Times "Let me give you a little serious political advice.  One single word. Puppies. Worth the points." - President George Bush "Animals, which move, have limbs and muscles.  The earth does not have limbs or muscles.  Therefore, it does not move." - Scipio Chiaramonti, distinguished mediaeval scientist "They need help, and we have helped, and we are here to help. And we are helping, and we're going to continue to help." -  Vice President Dan Quayle, discussing federal help in the Chicago floods "This is a delightful surprise to the extent that it is a surprise, and it is only a surprise to the extent that we anticipated." - Secretary of State James Baker "That was complicated, folks, so let's have a replay for all you fans scoring in bed." - hockey announcer Bob Kelly "You know what - dancing and nudity was not what this movie was about." - actor Bruce Willis on the movie "Striptease" "It reminds me of being in the Army, even though I was in the Navy." - baseball great Yogi Berra, on the Broadway show "Biloxi Blues" "I would never sign a prenuptial agreement. That makes the relationship so shallow." - Marla Maples, before her marriage to - and divorce from - Donald Trump And my most favorite one of all!!!!! Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Opposing attorney: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.  -  Official Court Records Credit:  "Stupid Quotes" are for entertainment purposes only.  We collect these quotes from various sources and while we strive to include only legitimate quotes, we can not guarantee their authenticity in all cases. ~~~~~~~~~~~ To subscribe to daily lists, visit http://www.contentmail.com

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